Offering Your Cheek in a Messy Divorce

 

What does offering your cheek

Look like in a messy divorce?

Avoid escalating disputes

Use grace in every discourse

Work to promote the idea

Of emotional resilience

Get off by yourself to think

And be taught in the silence

Focus on personal growth

For dignity and composure

For healing in your heart and soul

Make the kind of goals your can measure

Perhaps use a mediator

So your can heal and move on

You don't have to talk together

No longer a mat to step upon

Know your emotions are raw

And you need to get your thoughts out

Ever turn towards God

Be transformed with the Spirit about

[Verse 1] What does offering your cheek Look like in a messy divorce? Avoid escalating disputes Use grace in every discourse Work to promote the idea Of emotional resilience [Pre-Chorus] Get off by yourself to think And be taught in the silence Focus on personal growth For dignity and composure [Chorus] Offer your cheek Offer your cheek When the room runs hot Offer your cheek Offer your cheek And let the anger stop [Verse 2] For healing in your heart and soul Make the kind of goals your can measure Perhaps use a mediator So your can heal and move on You don't have to talk together No longer a mat to step upon [Pre-Chorus] Know your emotions are raw And you need to get your thoughts out Ever turn towards God Be transformed with the Spirit about [Chorus] Offer your cheek Offer your cheek When the room runs hot Offer your cheek Offer your cheek And let the anger stop [Bridge] Get off by yourself to think Be taught in the silence Ever turn towards God Be transformed with the Spirit about [Final Chorus] Offer your cheek Offer your cheek When the room runs hot Offer your cheek Offer your cheek And let the anger stop

• Non-violence in Conflict: Encouraging individuals to avoid escalating disputes and instead respond with grace, even in emotionally charged situations.
• Emotional Resilience: Promoting the idea of maintaining dignity and composure rather than seeking revenge or harboring bitterness.
• Transformative Approach: Focusing on personal growth and healing rather than getting caught up in the adversarial nature of divorce proceeding

Paper and Pen

The signs were there

But the timing off

A marriage where

Commitment's the cost

Late nights at work

Not wanting food

Acting bored, tired,

In a bad mood

Strange receipts

Excused away

Full deceit

But Sundays- okay

Has to rush off

Calls that hang up

Uncaring, brash,

Lacking in love

To become a spy

Or staying trusting?

Doubting yourself

The heartaches!  Crushing!

A loved one intervenes

Now the timing's right

Life's breaking at the seams

As truth comes to light

Threats to shut you up

And to close you off

But, you say enough

Sanity's the cost

With paper and pen

All the lies go down

Again and again

The truth is out now

Learning to hear

And trust the voice inside

Learning to bear,

To get help and confide

[Verse 1]

The signs were there But the timing off A marriage where Commitment's the cost Late nights at work Not wanting food Acting bored, tired, In a bad mood Strange receipts Excused away Full deceit But Sundays- okay [Pre-Chorus] Has to rush off Calls that hang up Uncaring, brash, Lacking in love To become a spy Or staying trusting? Doubting yourself The heartaches! Crushing! [Chorus] The signs were there The signs were there I couldn't say it then The truth comes out The truth comes out And cuts right through again Paper and pen Paper and pen All the lies go down [Verse 2] A loved one intervenes Now the timing's right Life's breaking at the seams As truth comes to light Threats to shut you up And to close you off But, you say enough Sanity's the cost With paper and pen All the lies go down Again and again Till they're written down [Pre-Chorus] The hand starts shaking The room goes still You hear your own voice Clear and real Learning to hear And trust the voice inside Learning to bear To get help and confide [Chorus] The signs were there The signs were there I couldn't say it then The truth comes out The truth comes out And cuts right through again Paper and pen Paper and pen All the lies go down [Bridge] Now I know What fear can hide What love can wear When it's all dressed up inside But I broke free From the hush, the shame I found my name I found my name [Final Chorus] The signs were there The signs were there I couldn't say it then The truth comes out The truth comes out And cuts right through again Paper and pen Paper and pen All the lies go down The truth is out now The truth is out now And I can breathe

aloud

A War Survivor

A war survivor
Battered and torn
Her best endeavor
Tossed away worn

It was her marriage
Verses Satan
Fought to the edge
Till she caved in

A once loving husband
Abandoned ship
Something he'd not withstand
Caused him to flip

What of the sealing
And the children?
Can there be healing?
How will it end?

With faith and some time
She will not descend
She will conquer the climb
As love steps in

She with a new life
That is not bitter
Again she is called wife
For this role fits her

From what was trampled
Two homes now blend
From their example
The children mend

And to their surprise
Her ex changed too
To repent and rise
And become new

As foundations build
With blessings sent
Who now will be sealed
For their ascent ?

With homes as Swiss cheese
Who has what name?
Are there remedies?
And who is to blame?

This war that we're in
Has casualties
Like walls of Berlin
An end one sees

Thanks to our Savior
We have full hope
We fall from grandeur
He sends a rope

And of that question...
Who's sealed to who?
The next life's session...
For what to do

That survivor is me
How I have been blessed
I am like too many
This life is a test...

I wrote this on my journey
At the start of the day
While unbeknownst to me
That night the letter came my way

My ex was sealed to his wife and started a beautiful family. Still, the Lord provided a tender mercy for me.  I was crying and writing and driving to work writing this and came home to the letter.

Swiss cheese is a term from Neal A. Maxwell who was a great man of deed and words.

I'm Holding You

He knows what trials we face

And through a child's embrace

We can feel the Lord above

Hold us and offer His love

Believe in Home Again

Empty, you keep coming back.
For there's a hole in your soul.
Satan's been on the attack
And, home is where you're whole

You lost a piece of your soul
When you left our family
What you need to become whole
Is to love us, happily

Take hold of the memories
All the joy you felt back when
There was less stress and more ease
Come, believe in home again

Divorce

Just as strategies in war

Make excuses to battle

So too in divorce

Is there deceit and betrayal

Instinct and survival

Ever fight in the mind

The natural man to call

And selfishly design

Contention is stirred

To create an excuse

With anger rehearsed

These mind games abuse

Turn from the battle

Though you've thrown in the towel

God's love then sample

Feel His strengthening power

Move on and move up

To a better, new life

Feel renewed in love

That holds true in the Light

[Verse 1] Just as stragedies in war Make excuses to battle So too in divorce Is there deceit and betrayal Instinct and survival Ever fight in the mind The natural man to call And selfishly design [Pre-Chorus] Contention is stirred To create an excuse With anger rehearsed These mind games abuse Turn from the battle Though you've thrown in the towel God's love then sample Feel His strengthening power [Chorus] Move on, move up Move on, move up To a better, new life Feel renewed in love Move on, move up Move on, move up That holds true in the Light That holds true in the Light [Verse 2] When the truth feels thin And the wounds stay loud You can lay it down You can step out proud No more keeping score No more dragging smoke Let the mercy in Let the old ways go [Pre-Chorus] Contention is stirred To create an excuse With anger rehearsed These mind games abuse Turn from the battle Though you've thrown in the towel God's love then sample Feel His strengthening power [Chorus] Move on, move up Move on, move up To a better, new life Feel renewed in love Move on, move up Move on, move up That holds true in the Light That holds true in the Light [Bridge] You were made for peace Not to live in strain Let the grace of God Wash out all the shame Take the hand He's held Let Him lead you through What was torn apart He can make it new [Final Chorus] Move on, move up Move on, move up To a better, new life Feel renewed in love Move on, move up Move on, move up That holds true in the Light That holds true in the Light Move on, move up Move on, move up God will carry you high God will carry you high

When I Have Been Hurt

When I have been hurt and I feel sad
My first reaction is to get mad
These angry feelings are but an alarm
That what I am thinking is causing me harm

Heavenly Father has taught a different way
And it is to Him that I know to pray
For forgiving others is what I ought to do
He wants me to be happy and love others too
1995

Going through a stack of papers, I found my first poem- at first I wondered who wrote it. It was written during my divorce years ago. I had forgotten about it. I changed the beginning because it said "when others make me sad-" a sign of growth-

Sin Shades Well What Lit the Heart

Sin shades well
What lit the heart
And love fades
As contention starts

The first to go
Joy... belonging
Caresses flow
Intimacy...longing

A door closes
between two souls
One... searching...knocking
Unto but holes

Yet, some reminiscing is heard
The door opens some distance
For tender, loving words
The marriage has a chance

Sin shades well
What lit the heart
And love fades
As contention starts

The first to go
Joy... belonging
Caresses flow
Intimacy...longing

A door closes
between two souls
One... searching...knocking
Unto but holes

Yet, some reminiscing is heard
The door opens some distance
For tender, loving words
The marriage has a chance

[Verse 1] Sin shades well 

What lit the heart 

And love fades 

As contention starts 

The first to go 

Joy... belonging 

Caresses flow

 Intimacy... longing

 [Pre-Chorus] A door closes 

Between two souls 

One... searching... knocking 

Unto but holes 

Yet some reminiscing 

Is heard again 

A little softening 

Behind the pain

 [Chorus] The door opens 

The door opens 

For tender words 

For tender words 

The door opens 

Some distance grows 

The marriage has a chance 

The marriage has a chance

 [Verse 2] Names come back 

In a quieter room 

The old hurt loosens 

It moves too soon 

A look returns 

Not cold, not gone 

Just two tired hearts 

Still holding on

 [Pre-Chorus] A hand reaches 

Through the fear 

What was broken 

Feels less near 

And every memory 

Starts to mend 

Not all at once 

But again 

[Chorus] The door opens The door opens For tender words For tender words The door opens Some distance grows The marriage has a chance The marriage has a chance

 [Bridge] One stays still One learns to stay No more turning Walking away A small soft yes At the edge of night Not all love comes Back to life 

[Final Chorus] The door opens The door opens For tender words For tender words The door opens Some distance grows The marriage has a chance The marriage has a chance

Children Who are the Product of Divorce

Children who are the product of divorce
Have not had the best chart to course
For they've not seen the intimacy
That created them unique to be

They've not seen patience born of concern
Or shared sorrow with searching to discern
Half of their joy has been dismissed
When they're with the one, the other they miss

Of this they must judge and rise themselves above
For it is there's to learn how better to love
Half here and half there- for the extra mile
As being split in two was for learning and for trial

Too, they must seek out the atonement's powers
To heal them from the pain that towers
For they've need to believe in the sanctity of the home
That when conflict comes they not leave from there to roam

Humbly and united be willing to climb
Believing in the sweetness of family time
Know that through prayer there can be a solution
To cleanse a home of what oft causes its pollution

Your Love Matters

Your love matters in every way
"Pitter-Patter", my heart seems to say

Could eternity be long enough...
Please return to me in strength and in love

Let's unite and renew what we have vowed
Do what it takes as the Lord's endowed

God is on our side, never to leave
If only you'd try, if only you'd believe

I miss your face, your confidence
This time can't erase, nor can your distance

It's all up to you- I promise to try
For now I will hope, believe and I'll cry

Love comes with links and not with chains
We're connected and so my heart pains

I will not force nor try to control
But, for you, a red carpet I'll unroll

To Cleave

Along the coasts of Judea near to Jordan
The people came to be with Christ and resort
And, as He was wont, He taught them again
From the Pharisees' questions, He asked a report

They asked, "what of a spouse that is put away?"
He answered them by asking what Moses did
"He wrote bills of divorcement," one did say
Then, Jesus responded with words purely candid..

"In the beginning, God made male and female
Then, when a man leave his father and mother
He should cleave to his wife with all that entails
That, they twain shall become one flesh joined together"

He added that "no man should put them asunder
But, because of hardness of hearts- there's a bill"
What happens then? One is given to wonder
A higher law of marriage, would He instill?

As later, amongst the disciples, he explained
That a man who puts away his wife for another
Or a wife who puts away her husband for another
Commits adultery- what then?... is unexplained

In the Latter-Days, the truth has been restored
We've learned how precious a marriage really is
As we receive the counsel of the Lord
We can be eternal families and be His

As the husband learns to provide and preside
And bear the priesthood to bless and to serve God
So, too the wife heeds the spirit for her guide
To rear up children upon a righteous sod

The institution of marriage is brilliant
Though Satan would to confuse with disruption
A couples love can be proved resilient
As they look to each other for resumption

Are there situations meriting divorce?
As doubts lead to mistrust and then contention
When intimacy's broken, is there recourse?
Perhaps, if both hearts swell in distension
And seek tender mercy at its truest source

There is a promise to those who have been sealed
May they return to the temple oft to pray
There, contention can be balmed as well as healed
Where the break becomes strong to cleave a new way

Mark 10
6 But from the beginning of the creation
God made them male and female.
7 For this cause shall a man leave his
father and mother, and cleave to his wife.
8 And they twain shall be one flesh:
so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
9 What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder.

cleave- come or be in close contact with;
stick or hold together and resist separation;
a powerful action word meaning to adhere closely

A Young Woman

A young woman in a nursing home
Learned how to write for she could not roam
She wrote all day and into the night
She had much to say and she wrote with might
Of what she saw on the T.V. screen
For she believed all that she had seen

"I am happy and glad that I am here
As you people live in sin- it's clear
Who is married, soon is divorcing
And I for them, am found remorsing
Those who murder- why did they do it?
If they'd admit- I'd write less fluent"

"The teenagers- tatoos and piercings
Their underthings makes quite the rear scenes
The children swear and command parents
I want to scream at what is apparent"
Her list goes on- She hopes they will read
For she has seen- their lives are in need

Her words descend as though little seeds
Spreading to some- her words to them feeds
They're the victims of those who've divorced
And they value all she has discoursed
They're the victims whose lost a loved one
And they hunger as they're too lonesome

They're the victims born of the unwed
They see clearly all that she has said
They're the victims- the sweet grandparents
How'd they go wrong? Oh, how each heart laments
The response grows and there's no time for much
Her meals are rushed- she has lives to touch

DIVORCE?

Dear Father, we join hands and kneel together
We want to see this marriage last forever
Help us keep our love precious and living
While there is prospect of life and of healing
Help us be hopeful, considerate and kind
We unite in this plea and in this hard climb
Soften hearts; help wounds mend though there is much pain
Help us to see the good side for there's much to gain
Help us be patient again and again, with whom should be our best friend
Help us count our companion as our blessing Thou did send

United most humbly, we seek for thy guidance
Healed by the atonement as our second chance
Yes, we know life was not meant to be an easy ride
Yet, we've so much to overcome- there are thorns on every side
Help us remember the good of the past
To think of the children first and of our needs last
We've hope for their future and of their well being
We've our bishop's judgment and his counseling
And as we can dwell up wrongs, then, seemingly lengthened
Help us overcome our own faults with love that's strengthened

Dallin H. Oaks
Divorce
Ensign, May 2007, 70-73