Tuesday, January 12, 2021
1,006,405 views through randomness
Is this what it all comes down to?
After having written thousands and thousands of poems
Somehow one poem has found its way to you!
Angst and creativity.
I have known many periods of doubt. Why am I writing? Do I even have an ear for writing poems? I I have felt like I have felt pain, shame, embarrassment, and grief over being a poet.. I like the absorption of pondering and trying to say things with words. (limited meaningful words.) Mental illness? I have often thought something flowed well and liked it. When I went back to it, I saw mistakes. I submitted some poems here and there. Rejection! Have I ever written something that is worthy of attention? Will that ever happen? What is the purpose of it all? I have certainly slowed down. Is there something I am meant to write? If I give up, I will never find out!
One thing that can't be said of my writing is that I procrastinate. Quite the opposite is true. I have been known to keep paper and pencil with me. I can get lost in an interest to write about. Sometimes words will wake me in the night. I know that words won't stay and so I go to the bathroom where I can turn the light on and not wake anyone. Once I lost a handful of poems while traveling. I had written them in the margins of an Ensign. I felt sick. I felt like they were inspired and I had not treasured them. I prayed about this and in the night I felt I wrote new and improved versions. I was so grateful and relieved for that experience. Sometimes I write out of habit, missing those moments of absorbed thought and pondering. It can be a scary feeling to not by inspired by much or at all. Hmmm. Here I reflect on a dozen years of angst like it is all behind me. I have definitely slowed down. Aging? The concussion? Post Covid exhaustion? I am not as intune with the spirit. Except, I did feel impressed to write this. Giving thanks is always a good thing. This reflection has been good for me, as I feel like I am at a turning point.
An old rusty hinge moved with quite a moan and a creek.
Light entered the room. There was something beyond to seek!
Who is not too busy to open the door and look?
Treasures from the past were growing dust in every nook!
Start a Blog
I wanted to personally give some poems to a general authority. This probably isn't to be encouraged. I was torn between doing this and not being a nuisance. (I often find the words from general conference inspiring.) I waited at the park after conference and the parking lot was almost cleared out. Am I a stalker or something? I found myself visiting with a man in a wheelchair who had had a series of health setbacks and had lost his legs. He had this persistent thought/question/concern about the days we live in. He felt that adults in his family were not acting like adults for their children. He saw this as a serious problem in our day. I almost missed seeing the stake president as I shared what I was up to and a little about the gospel. The general authority come out of the building. I think I would have missed my moment except I saw something that caught my eye- a light. I can't describe what I saw for I felt it was just for me. It was amazing. I crossed the neighborhood street and thanked the general authority and gave him some poems. He asked me if I had considered blogging to share them. I felt this was a confirmation that in spite of all my self doubt, I had a place in the poetry society or at least my membership's community. Well at least I pushed an anti-Mormon poet from being in the forefront when someone googled the words "lds poetry". Yes, this is absolutely true!
We had just moved to Nevada and had a treasured moment when family came to visit. Something that I doubted would ever happen! My step-daughter asked everyone to sit down together and share their "bucket lists". I had never heard of this. A bucket list is a list of what you want to accomplish before you die. I shared how I wanted to write a book and to have it published. The next day, I shared this with a co-worker. She told me her daughter is a publisher locally. Wow. I saw it as permission to start immediately. I had read a series of books called "Son of Man" by Susan Easton. These books give you a sense of who Jesus was as a man raised as a Jew and how all the Jewish traditions point to the coming of the Savior. I felt passionate about writing on this topic as I have a dear friend who misses/mourns for his family and Jewish traditions/community. (It is a beautiful religion to learn from.) I wanted him to value his Jewishness and his contribution to discussions in Sunday school. After a very short period, the book was complete, though I kept adding to the bill through images and edits. I felt trapped in a money racket for a second. The crazy thing is, when I got the box of books, I got a bonus that paid for the whole thing! I worked for a private school and it was a one time way to show appreciation for the big turn around in enrollment. What a blessing: "Jesus Christ, Son of Man, A Jew" by Kelly Miller
If you read this thank you! Please don't judge me as a bad poet. I am a work in progress.
But, more importantly, it was good for me to write this!
Sunday, January 10, 2021
Saturday, January 9, 2021
My Shelfari Bookshelf
- ▼ 2021 (8)
- ► 2020 (66)
- ► 2019 (101)
- ► 2018 (125)
- ► 2017 (197)
- ► 2016 (341)
- ► 2015 (813)
- ► 2014 (615)
- ► 2013 (961)
- ► 2012 (703)
- ► 2011 (500)
- ► 2010 (769)
- ► 2009 (757)
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The Captain of the Soul- Invictus/ The Soul's Captain by Elder Orson F. Whitney
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
The Soul's Captain [The Answer]
by Elder Orson F. Whitney
of the Quorum of the Twelve
Art thou in truth? Then what of him
Who bought thee with his blood?
Who plunged into devouring seas
And snatched thee from the flood?
Who bore for all our fallen race
What none but him could bear.
The God who died that man might live,
And endless glory share?
Of what avail thy vaunted strength,
Apart from his vast might?
Pray that his Light may pierce the gloom,
That thou mayest see aright.
Men are as bubbles on the wave,
As leaves upon the tree.
Thou, captain of thy soul, forsooth
Who gave that place to thee?
Free will is thine — free agency
To wield for right or wrong;
But thou must answer unto him
To whom all souls belong.
Bend to the dust that head "unbowed,"
Small part of Life's great whole!
And see in him, and him alone,
The Captain of thy soul
He's Been There Before
The alarm bell rings at 6:30, I stumble to my feet
I grab my companions bedding and pull off his sheets
A groan fills the room, is it already time to arise?
It seems like just a second ago I was able to shut my eyes
The morning activities follow- study, prayer and such
When it's time to leave the apartment, you feel you haven't accomplished much
"We have a super day planned," My comp. says with a grin
I lowly utter a faithless breath, "Yeah, if anyone lets us in."
With the word of God and my faithful Schwinn, we ride off in the street prepared to
Face another day of humidity and heat
It's 9:30 in the evening, the day is almost through
My champion and I are riding home not accomplishing what we thought to do
We ride up to the mailbox, hoping to receive a lot
Only to look inside and hear my echo reverberate "air Box"
We go up to our apartment, the day is now complete
The only thing to show for our work is a case of blistery feet
It's past 10:30 p.m. My companion is fast asleep,
Silence engulfs me all about and I begin to weep
In the midst of sadness, I kneel down to pray
I need to talk to father, but I'm not sure what to say
"Oh, Father" I begin, "What happened to us today?
I thought we'd teach somebody, but everyone was away
My hands, my aching hands- worn, hurt and beat;
If our area was any smaller, we'd have knocked every street"
"Why on missions are the days so much alike?
The only difference about today was the flat tire on my bike
Will you send some cooler weather? The heat is killing me
I sweat so bad, it gets in my eyes, it's very hard to see"
"Why do I have to wear a helmet, isn't your protection enough?
People always laugh at me, and call me stupid stuff
Please send us investigators so I may give them what they lack
I want to give them Books of Mormon, the weight of them hurts my back"
"And what about my family: They don't have much to say
I'm sick of not hearing from home day after day after day
Oh Father, Why am I here am I just wasting time?
Sometimes I just want to go home, I'm sorry but that's on my mind"
"My companion, Heavenly Father, what are you giving me?
"The way he rides his bicycle, I don't think he can see
Now you have it, I can't go on, I don't know what to do
That, my Father in Heaven, is the prayer I have for you"
My prayer now finished, I stand up, then jump right into bed
I need my rest for tomorrow, we have another long day ahead
Sleep start to overtake me, I seem to drift away
Then it seems a vision takes me to another time in another day
I'm standing alone on the hill. The view is very nice
A man walks to wards me and says, "My name is Jesus Christ"
Tears of joy well up inside, I fall down to His feet
"Arise," He states, "Follow me to the shade. You and I need to speak"
My attention's towards my Savior, total and complete
He says, "Your mission is similar of what happened to me
I understand how you feel, I know what you're going through
In fact, it would be fair to say I've felt the same as you"
"I even know how you felt when no one listened to you
At times I felt not quite sure what else I could do
I know you don't like to ride a bicycle, for you a car would be sweet
Just remember the donkey I rode wasn't equipped with 21 speeds"
"I understand you don't like sweating, in fact it's something you hate
I remember when I sweat blood from ev’ry pore, oh the agony was great!
I see you don't like your companion- you'd rather have someone else-
I once had a companion named Judas who sold my life for wealth"
"It's hard to wear a helmet and have people make fun of you
I remember when they put thorns on my head and called me King of the Jews
So you feel burdened down by the weight of your pack
I recall how heavy the cross was when they slammed it on my back"
"Your hands hurt from tracting and knocking on doors all day
I guess when they pounded nails into mine, I ached in a similar way
It's hard not to hear from home when your family's not there to see
I lost communication on the cross and cried, "Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?"
"We have a lot in common, but there's a difference between us you see
I endured to the end and finished my mission, so follow and do like me"
He embraced me with His arms and His light filled me with His love
With tears in my eyes I watched as He went back to the Father above
I stood with awe and wonder when a beep rang in my head
I listened and heard the alarm, then realized I was in my bed
My companion let out a groan, "6:30 already, no way!"
I sat up and said, "Come on, I'll even carry your scriptures today!"
No matter what we go through, when we feel we can't take more
Just stop and think about Jesus Christ, He's been there before
By Elder Troy Whittle
Texas Houston Mission
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
I encourage you to read from the Book of Mormon and the standard works, and listen to modern day prophets, also, that your mind and heart might be touched.
153 Countries Visited! June 2015
|No.||Country||Date of Last Visit||Percent & Number of Visits|
|June 15, 2015||82.86%||25,281|
|June 14, 2015||2.61%||795|
|June 13, 2015||2.42%||737|
|June 13, 2015||1.81%||551|
|June 14, 2015||1.35%||412|
|June 14, 2015||0.99%||303|
|June 14, 2015||0.79%||241|
|June 14, 2015||0.58%||176|
|May 15, 2015||0.49%||151|
|June 3, 2015||0.40%||121|
|June 8, 2015||0.34%||105|
|Apr 20, 2015||0.26%||80|
|June 3, 2015||0.21%||64|
|June 5, 2015||0.14%||44|
|Apr 17, 2015||0.14%||42|
|Mar 21, 2015||0.13%||41|
|Apr 28, 2015||0.13%||41|
|June 8, 2015||0.13%||39|
|May 28, 2015||0.12%||38|
|20||Europe||June 11, 2015||0.11%||35|
|May 18, 2015||0.11%||35|
|May 17, 2015||0.11%||35|
|Apr 17, 2015||0.11%||33|
|May 28, 2015||0.11%||33|
United Arab Emirates
|Apr 25, 2015||0.10%||32|
|Apr 27, 2015||0.10%||31|
Korea, Republic of
|Feb 1, 2015||0.10%||31|
|28||-||May 10, 2015||0.10%||31|
|Apr 5, 2015||0.10%||30|
|May 19, 2015||0.10%||29|
|June 1, 2015||0.09%||28|
|June 14, 2015||0.09%||28|
Trinidad and Tobago
|May 18, 2015||0.09%||26|
|May 8, 2015||0.09%||26|
|May 5, 2015||0.08%||24|
|May 10, 2015||0.08%||23|
|May 1, 2015||0.07%||20|
|Apr 4, 2015||0.07%||20|
|Apr 18, 2015||0.07%||20|
|May 29, 2015||0.07%||20|
|Mar 23, 2015||0.06%||19|
|Mar 25, 2015||0.06%||19|
|Mar 28, 2015||0.06%||18|
|May 17, 2015||0.06%||18|
|Feb 27, 2015||0.06%||17|
|May 8, 2015||0.06%||17|
|May 30, 2015||0.05%||16|
|Apr 12, 2015||0.05%||16|
|Apr 6, 2015||0.05%||15|
|Apr 10, 2015||0.05%||14|
|Feb 23, 2015||0.05%||14|
|Mar 10, 2015||0.05%||14|
|Apr 8, 2015||0.04%||13|
|Nov 24, 2014||0.04%||13|
|June 1, 2015||0.04%||13|
|Aug 18, 2014||0.04%||12|
|Apr 13, 2015||0.04%||12|
|Apr 6, 2015||0.04%||12|
|Oct 29, 2014||0.04%||12|
|Dec 9, 2014||0.04%||11|
|Mar 12, 2015||0.04%||11|
|Feb 16, 2015||0.03%||10|
|Apr 28, 2015||0.03%||10|
|Jan 19, 2015||0.03%||9|
|Feb 5, 2015||0.03%||9|
|Mar 30, 2015||0.03%||9|
|Apr 4, 2015||0.03%||9|
|May 8, 2015||0.03%||9|
|Feb 4, 2015||0.03%||8|
|Jan 9, 2015||0.03%||8|
|Feb 27, 2015||0.03%||8|
|Jan 24, 2015||0.03%||8|
|73||Asia/Pacific Region||June 9, 2015||0.03%||8|
|Feb 6, 2015||0.02%||7|
|Mar 21, 2015||0.02%||7|
|Apr 10, 2015||0.02%||7|
|June 2, 2015||0.02%||7|
|Dec 16, 2014||0.02%||7|
|Apr 7, 2015||0.02%||6|
|Mar 3, 2015||0.02%||6|
|Sept 28, 2014||0.02%||6|
|Feb 25, 2015||0.02%||6|
|June 6, 2015||0.02%||6|
|May 7, 2015||0.02%||6|
|Apr 23, 2015||0.02%||5|
|Oct 30, 2014||0.02%||5|
|June 3, 2015||0.02%||5|
|Oct 27, 2014||0.02%||5|
|June 23, 2014||0.02%||5|
|Jan 19, 2015||0.02%||5|
Bosnia and Herzegovina
|Mar 23, 2015||0.02%||5|
|Nov 23, 2014||0.02%||5|
|Nov 11, 2014||0.02%||5|
|Jan 16, 2015||0.02%||5|
|Mar 10, 2015||0.02%||5|
|Jan 15, 2015||0.02%||5|
|May 8, 2015||0.02%||5|
|Feb 27, 2015||0.01%||4|
|Jan 23, 2015||0.01%||4|
|Mar 22, 2015||0.01%||4|
|Jan 20, 2015||0.01%||4|
|Jan 13, 2015||0.01%||4|
|Apr 29, 2014||0.01%||4|
|Jan 14, 2015||0.01%||4|
Moldova, Republic of
|Nov 29, 2014||0.01%||3|
|Feb 11, 2014||0.01%||3|
|July 23, 2014||0.01%||3|
|Feb 19, 2015||0.01%||3|
Antigua and Barbuda
|Aug 1, 2014||0.01%||3|
Isle of Man
|Dec 20, 2014||0.01%||3|
|June 8, 2015||0.01%||3|
|May 14, 2014||0.01%||3|
|Mar 3, 2015||0.01%||2|
|Oct 22, 2014||0.01%||2|
|Jan 12, 2015||0.01%||2|
Virgin Islands, U.S.
|June 20, 2014||0.01%||2|
|May 19, 2015||0.01%||2|
|June 23, 2014||0.01%||2|
|Aug 4, 2014||0.01%||2|
|Jan 28, 2015||0.01%||2|
|Feb 20, 2015||0.01%||2|
|May 12, 2014||0.01%||2|
|Apr 29, 2015||0.01%||2|
|Apr 26, 2015||0.01%||2|
|Nov 1, 2013||0.01%||2|
Saint Kitts and Nevis
|June 30, 2013||0.01%||2|
|July 18, 2014||0.01%||2|
|Aug 17, 2014||0.01%||2|
|Mar 12, 2013||0.01%||2|
|Jan 8, 2015||0.01%||2|
|Mar 20, 2015||0.01%||2|
|May 27, 2013||0.00%||1|
|July 27, 2014||0.00%||1|
|Sept 16, 2013||0.00%||1|
|July 18, 2014||0.00%||1|
|Jan 12, 2013||0.00%||1|
|Mar 14, 2015||0.00%||1|
|Apr 22, 2013||0.00%||1|
|Nov 19, 2014||0.00%||1|
|Jan 9, 2015||0.00%||1|
|May 29, 2014||0.00%||1|
|Mar 10, 2013||0.00%||1|
|Feb 1, 2015||0.00%||1|
|Feb 21, 2013||0.00%||1|
|June 20, 2014||0.00%||1|
|Jan 9, 2014||0.00%||1|
|Jan 3, 2014||0.00%||1|
Northern Mariana Islands
|Oct 9, 2014||0.00%||1|
|Jan 27, 2014||0.00%||1|
|June 16, 2014||0.00%||1|
|Mar 30, 2013||0.00%||1|
|Nov 30, 2014||0.00%||1|